I chose to go completely natural about six months ago. 

No hair dye, no eyelashes, no spanx to improve my mommy gut.

Nothing.

It has been a deep practice into self love….

And it has been stretchy and uncomfortable and freeing and beautiful. 

So basically all the human emotions. 

You see- I was raised in a home where exterior looks were incredibly important. 

I remember 30 days after having my second baby- my father picking me and my baby up from the airport and immediately commenting on how much weight I had gained and that I better address it before it got out of hand. 

I remember getting diet pill ads mailed to my home address.

It was very apparent that to fit in with my father’s ideals I had to look the part. 

And although I forgave my father who has passed from this world- on a deep and profound level, I still have so much residual attachment with those standards.

When I got my new photos back- there was so much judgment on my part. 

I immediately looked at my gut protruding in the photos. 

I immediately compared what I look like now to my previous photos with the fake hair and eyelashes and thought that I looked 20 years older. 

I grieved the youth from before.

And after I felt the feels, I turned to each part that has aged so beautifully and thanked them for what they have done for me throughout my life. 

My abdomen that helped me form five babies and gave it thanks and gratitude.

I looked at my weathered and aging hands and marveled at the amount of people I have hugged and loved throughout my journey.

I look at my face and see the “11”’s in between my eyebrows and recognize that they are there because of my deep thinking and contemplation. 

I see the smile lines around my mouth that says I have had too many opportunities to laugh than I can count. 

Falling in love with my body.

Embracing the age and the “crone” stage (or the Empress stage according to my friends) for the wisdom and insight my years on earth has allowed me to learn. 

Leaning into healthy eating and moving my body because I want to show up and feed my body health and vibrancy- not because I need to look a certain way for anyone. 

Acceptance…..

Full acceptance for me. I get to love me. I choose me.

And when I choose me, I choose everyone and everything.